


Shout At The Wall

by meowryo05



Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:35:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27493570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowryo05/pseuds/meowryo05
Summary: Hey girl im mentally illTW!!! there's graphic descriptions of self harm :thumbs up:(well, kinda)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Shout At The Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways if u see me bookmark mcyt fics no u fucking dont
> 
> This is very obviously a vent fic so a lot of stuff might not make sense lmao

Deuce wouldn't consider himself a very sad person. Yeah he had bad days but those were only caused by minor inconveniences. This was different.

To him, this week had been absolute hell. All week he’d wake up with numb hands and a buzzing noise in his ears. He’d been getting worse grades in /all/ of his classes which resulted in him spending more time in the classrooms than with his friends.

He vaguely remembers this feeling. After a while of sitting in his dorm room waiting for his roommates to leave, he lays down and tries to remember how he would cheer himself up

\------

He remembers when he’d come home after another fight at school; his hair messy and his clothes a bit torn up and bloody. He’d walk past his mom, not bothering to say hi, and to his bedroom. His body would fall onto the bed and he would sleep. How long he’d sleep would usually depend on how much sleep he had gotten the night before or how bad that fight was. He wakes up just in time to have ‘dinner’ with his mom and then he’d go in the backyard and mess with his magical wheel. Then he would go inside and ‘do’ his homework (he would really just lay in bed trying to not scratch his arms from how itchy his scars felt). His mom would walk into his room to say goodnight and then the cycle would repeat.

It was like that for a while, until he found a new way to make himself feel better.

The way it happened was a complete accident. He had been walking home from school and trying his best to avoid accidentally crossing paths with one of his classmates. While trying to find another path home, he comes across a railroad. Being the curious teenager that he was, he ducked under the stopper and walked along the rails. 

He was walking with his earbuds in, blasting music. He hadn't noticed the light or the loud horn. He was thinking about what his mom had tried to make for them to eat, and what he could do with his magical wheel. Then, someone grabbed his backpack strap and pulled him away just in time for the train to pass. As he stubbles back and falls, he looks up to the stranger that saved his life; only to be met with a red faced middle-aged man.

“The fuck were you doin’ kid? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” the man yells while waving his arms around dramatically. 

“I,, um im sorry sir, I wasn't paying attention.” Deuce replies while dusting off his pants. Before the man could reply, Deuce starts walk-running away from him. The man yells for Deuce but he doesn't look back. 

When he gets home, he runs past his mother. She doesn't greet him. He basically kicks down his door and runs straight to his bed. He stares at the ceiling and thinks about what had just happened. 

While laying there, he remembers the adrenaline rush he got after realizing what had happened; and he smiles at that thought. He sits up and walks to the kitchen. His mom looks at him in surprise, as she normally had to tell him to eat. He smiles at her and sits down. He had seen the tears well up in her eyes as she turned to get the food off the stove.

The next day, he wakes up early and leaves the house. He wanted to have that feeling again so he went to look for another railway.

He happily ran towards the city area and walked around till he found a staircase that went underground. Most people ignored him as he ran past to get to the more abandoned area of the train station. As he walks closer to the tracks, he gets more excited. 

It was an odd thing to be excited about. He was basically playing with his own life. Still, he continued to walk to the tracks with a small smile on his face. He scratched at his arms and hops off the platform, continuing down the tunnel. 

After maybe five minutes of walking, he sees a bright light. His eyes widen as he turns around and starts running. He can tell the train is close. The tracks are shaking and it's extremely loud. He quickly climbs onto the platform as the train passes and looks behind himself.

That was fun he thinks to himself as he sits at one of benches, waiting for another train to get close. He looks up at the tracks and notices an area in between each length of tracks. Then an idea pops into his mind. He drops his bag and walks towards the tracks once again. When he sees the light the train come close enough to basically hit him, he jumps across to the other mini platform.

He pulls his legs away from the train as it passes and stands up. Once the train passes completely, he jumps off and climbs back onto the other platform. He grabs his bag and walks home with a small smile on his face as he thinks about how he could have died. Again, it's an odd thing to smile about, but he didnt care. He stops by a corner store on his way back home and grabs a few chips and water. He walks into the house and walks into the kitchen, putting his bag down on the counter. His mom tried to start a conversation and he happily replies. His mom smiles again. 

This is the happiest she's been in a while he thinks. 

That night he shared a bag of chips and a few candy bars with his mom, and he was smiling the entire time.

\------

He tried to reason with himself when he eventually woke up, he really did. He wasn't thinking straight, his mind was filled with cotton and his hands were numb. And all he could hear was the buzzing and the train passing by. 

It soon became a small pass time for him. A way to just forget everything. 

His hands were still numb and the buzzing didn't go away but that was fine.

It didn't need to go away. 

He was doing completely fine in school. He stopped talking to his friends but who cares.

It's not like he needed them.

But, after a while of leaving school early just to jump trains and whatnot he started having less time to go out. Students were forced to stay inside their dorms or classrooms to study for some important test and they weren’t allowed to leave unless they proved that they did in fact study. Deuce wouldn’t usually have a problem with this as he would have his friends to help him. But studying is stressful and his only way of distracting himself was outside. 

Soon his thoughts became a jumbled mess and he could barely pick up a pencil without his hand shaking just a little too much. He was desperately trying to find a different way to relieve stress and he’d normally rather bare with the shaking than turn to hurting himself. But again, his thoughts were jumbled and he was desperate. It was around 11pm, he thinks. All of his roommates were not there at the moment (they were either in town or staying home).

His shaky hands pick up the razor that he got out of an old pencil sharpener. He didn't have any towels around nore did he have anything to help him avoid getting the floor or his clothes dirty; he had never done this before. 

Before he could back out, he pulled up his sleeve and slid the blade across his forearm. Deuce winces as the cold air touches his new cut. And although it hurt, it helped. As blood dripped down his arm, he gave it a few more little cuts. A few little cuts turned into maybe 20 or so and soon his arm was covered in his own blood. When he finally realized what he’d done he simply stared blankly at his arm and then moved on to his other arm. 

He didn’t know how dangerous this was, and he didn't care. It was addicting. Sliding the blade across his arm, watching the blood bubbles leave the cut. Watching it slide down his arm and onto his now blood-covered pants. It felt right in a way. And the deeper he cut the better it felt. His arms were getting dangerously red and his vision became blurry. He stumbled out of his room leaving a little blood trail behind him.

He didn’t make it to the bathroom.

\------

When he woke up his arms felt like they were burning.

Attempting to sit up, he was immediately pushed down by a pair of gloved hands. 

“You are definitely not sitting up until you've fully woken up!” he heard the voice say. 

“Hey-! Be careful dorm head, his head probably hurts.” the other voice said, maybe swatting the others hands away. Deuce once again tries to sit up this time trying to lift his arms to rub his eyes. He doesn't feel anyone reach to push his back down. He fully opens his eyes and looks at the two in front of him. 

“Dorm head? Ace? What's going on,,,?” Deuce asks, his memory and bit foggy.

“Hell if we know the answer. One of your roommates found you passed out in the corridor covered in blood.” Ace explains, messing with his shirt sleeve. 

Oh, now he remembers. 

Wait

Deuce opens his mouth to talk but nothing comes out.

No no no no no no no no no wait

If he actually did what he thinks he did then-

Deuce kept trying to talk but all that came out were shaky breaths and small sobs. His hands began to shake and his mind went foggy.

It hurt

He started scratching at his bandages. He felt two pairs of hands trying to pull his hand away from his bandages. 

It felt like there was a pit in his stomach.

He tried to push the two away though, he could barely see. His vision was blurred from the tear welling up and escaping his eyes.

Everything hurt.

The last thing he saw was the bloody bandages and maybe Ace,,, he thinks.

\------

The rest of the time he was there was a complete blur. He was sent home for a bit, it was nice to see his mom. Unfortunately he doesn't remember much. He wasn't allowed in the kitchen or in a room with sharp objects for a month, maybe. He had to cut his nails so it would be harder to reopen his cuts. He wasn't allowed outside either. He remembers his friends visiting at some point. Though, he can't recall much from that day.

He’s going back in a few weeks. He’s also picked up a new hobby (but that can be addressed some other time). 

It's easier to do stuff normally now. He's finally allowed in the kitchen again. He can also stay home alone now. 

His time home was a bit uneventful but it’s not like he had control over that.

He sits at his desk and opens a new notebook.

This should be fun.

**Author's Note:**

> anyways follow my twt lawl it's @acidatsushi


End file.
